Failure

I thought my days of feeling like a colossal failure were past. It's been a good, long while since I've felt like such a screw-up. I guess we all have our dips in confidence and self-image. Mine has just really hit me in the past hour or two.

Failed friendship, failures at work, failure to communicate with several customers today, failure to follow through on many goals, failure to get off my butt and do what I need to do to position myself better professionally, failure to figure out what the hell I want from life, failure to visit a friend who is away from most family and friends, failure to plan anything for another friend's birthday, failure to take care of chores around the house, failure to quickly forgive and forget, failure finding a job...

...maybe most of these things are not permanent failures but as-of-yet unrealized goals or aspirations. I can hope...but I lack energy with which to do so right now.

I know, intellectually, an observer could reassure me by pointing out qualities and virtues, yet sometimes, I just don't care about them in light of present failures. [Incidentally, don't reassure me, here. That's not why I published this.]

And yes, I realize this is a pity party, and I need to get out of the mire of self-pity and start acting to change what can be changed and stop dwelling on what's done or not done and move forward. I guess I'm discouraged and worn out, in a way.

I know I shouldn't focus on what I perceive as failures because anyone can focus on their failures at the expense of their successes, and focusing on failures does nothing to help you begin to make successes.

Man, my job sucks sometimes. I think a lot of this is an emotional reaction to a handful of really bad calls today and frustration with the fact that, over the past couple of weeks, more than half of the time, when my phone rings, I look at it and say, "I hate my job." Then I pick up the phone and try to sound happy to help. Ha, I'm laughing at myself thinking about it. What a way to set myself up for a crappy call. Yeah, I need an attitude adjustment...

...I'm already feeling less discouraged as I finish this. I guess I can be overly emotional sometimes, as much as I like to think I'm a "rational" person. How do you women do it, adding in all the hormonal stuff? Or other people with severe chemical imbalances? Yeesh. That's rough.