Happiness and True Love

I posted this on Facebook, so I thought I'd post it here, too:

Does Being in a Gay Relationship Make One Happy? Does Gay Love Qualify as Love? - a personal blog post by a man in reference and response to Happiness and the Art of Loving, an essay by a good friend of mine.

I hesitated somewhat to post this because I do not want this good man's blog to become a battlefield of debate or bombarded by comments from strangers needing to defend their views by spouting off. But it is, after all, a public blog, and it's a dialog I think many will benefit from hearing(reading). Please, please respect the tone and spirit of conversation being maintained there.

I think EVERYONE would benefit from the ideas and experiences voiced therein (BOTH the referenced article on North Star AND the blog entry, as well as the conversation in the blog comments) if only to give one pause to consider the nature of love and whether what each of us is seeking in our relationships (through our desires and decisions) is really what we ultimately even want it to be, let alone what it "should" be.

Stories Behind The Songs

A while back, I wrote about songs that make me think of people. I thought I'd expound by mentioning the situations or memories that come to mind or the lyrics that finally "clicked" with me one day. I'll address the person associated with each song as "you". Hopefully, "you" know who you are:



For Good, from Wicked
I've heard it said,
That people come into our lives,
For a reason.
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are lead to those,
Who help us most to grow if we let them.
And we help them in return.
Well I don't know if I believe that's true.
But I know I'm who I am today,
Because I knew you.

This always makes me think of when you told me to listen to this when I moved away. I knew it would be cheesy, but I didn't care. It still brought a tear to my eye as I drove away down the hill towards I-90. It's always a bit of an "aw" moment when I hear it now.



Unwritten Letter, Vienna Teng
This one always takes me back to Chop Suey on Capitol Hill, standing there next to you as Vienna described the story behind the song and awkwardly realizing how much it applied to our friendship. I thought, "she doesn't realize how completely..." and kind of wanted to put my arm around you, but I just smiled sympathetically instead as you bobbed to the music.



As Long As You're Mine, from Wicked
Kiss me too fiercely
Hold me too tight
I need help believing
You're with me tonight.
My wildest dreamings
Could not foresee
Lying beside you
With you wanting me.

Just for this moment
As long as you're mine
I've lost all resistance
And crossed some borderline
And if it turns out
It's over too fast
I'll make every last moment last
As long as you're mine

Every moment
As long as your mine
I'll wake up my body
And make up for lost time

Say there's no future
For us as a pair
And though I may know
I don't care

Just for this moment
As long as you're mine
Come be how you want to
And see how bright we shine
Borrow the moonlight
Until it is through
And know I'll be here
Holding you
As long as you're mine

[...]for the first time
I feel...wicked

I remember driving home from Idaho one rainy night in the late Fall or early Winter and grinning wryly as I thought how these lyrics had, in the past few months, taken on new meaning to me. I chuckled and shrugged as I realized I'd thought almost these exact thoughts on a couple of occasions when we were alone together.



Una Notte a Napoli, Pink Martini
Con lui volando lontano dalla terra
Dimenticando le tristezze della sera
In paradiso, oltre le nuvole
Pazza d'amore come le lucciole
Quanto tempo può durare?
Quante notti da sognare?
[...]
Il tempo passa, l'amore scompare
E la danza finirà!
Tristamente tutto deve finire
Ma quando il cuore mi ha spezzato
Ed in cielo mi ha abbandonato
Adesso sulla terra son tornata
Mai più di amare mi sono rassegnata

How ironic that this song is very much connected with a night full of sparks and soaring emotions for me: our first kiss. My first kiss. When we decided to keep things more on a "friends" level, I wondered whether I'd ever allow myself to feel that way or experience anything quite like it again.



Samson, Regina Spektor
You said this was one of your favorites of hers when I picked you up one night around 5th North and 3rd East or thereabouts in Provo, all soggy and cute like a cold, wet puppy after being unable to find your car, and I shook my head as I thought you might just turn out to be, as the lyrics say, "my sweetest downfall".



Sexual Healing, Marvin Gaye
Not once, but TWICE, the alarm clock woke us up to this song, and we laughed and laughed at the comedy of it. It was funny because it was NOT true and was just awkward.



I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
Sitting in the house I grew up in, we were talking about Christmas music, and you said the name of this song as if everyone knew it. I looked at you like you were crazy (something I was well-practiced at *wink*). You looked it up and played it for me, giggling with sheer delight, and I couldn't help but like the song just because of that. I grin every time I hear it now.



Lazybones, Harry Connick, Jr.
Ah, memories of spouting off a few lines when one of us was too soggy to get off our duff or waking each other up when we were roomies by playing it or singing it in our best imitation New Orleans jazz voice.



Just Like Me, Harry Connick, Jr.
This one always takes me back to you two dancing in a church gym in your tux and white gown, surrounded by family and friends, looking both relieved and dazed. I'll admit to having thought at the time, "If you've really found someone just like you, you're in for a ride..."



Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel), Billy Joel
I almost always think of dancing cheek to cheek at the Sadie Hawkins dance with our matching shirts, smelling your hair, feeling you close, knowing the dance was almost over and thinking I could stay like that forever. Even our friend circling around us with commentary about how cute we were couldn't pull me out of that moment.



Lilly, Pink Martini
This one is a particular sunny memory. When I hear this, I think of you three munchkins dancing to it together, hopping and bopping around freestyle in pure enjoyment and singing along. How could I not smile every time I hear this song when that's what comes to mind. Very fun!



Popular, from Wicked
La la la la! We're gonna make you popular.

Heh heh. What can I say? Every time I hear this, I think of you belting out the "La la" line and me rolling my eyes yet again, but laughing all the while and kind of enjoying that you're such a lovable nerd sometimes!



Wind It Up, Gwen Stefani
This one makes me think of driving in your SUV with our friends to Nevada and me chuckling at the scene of all of us get'n down to Gwen, amused by my circle of friends.



You Are My Sunshine
I will NEVER be able to hear this without thinking of you singing this to me since I was tiny, probably since well before I can remember it. Then I had one of those little electronic buttons that played the song. I would play that over and over, and it was as if you were singing it yourself. I never doubted the words. Never.



I Wonder When He Comes Again
I think of your funeral. I didn't know you, you died when I was young, and you weren't a "close" relative. But something about my distant-ish cousins (two girls?) singing this very much stuck with me, and I always am sent back to the pew in that chapel filled with your loved ones.



The Other Hours, Harry Connick, Jr.
You and I had lost touch. But I'd occasionally wonder how you were, what you were up to, and why I never got to really see the girl who would sit at home and read by herself. She's the one I always wanted to get to know, and while I enjoyed you as I knew you, I always wondered what you were like in "the other hours". I'm glad we've reconnected.



Agony, from Into the Woods
Ha! I don't think of Broadway stars singing this duet. I think of three of us in an apartment on a really fun night, and two sock puppets singing with panache and drinking Dr. Pepper, was it? We've seriously gotta stop talking about digitizing that video and actually do it.

2008 Outtakes

Some are outtakes that I think deserve at least a nod. Some are random shots that didn't fit in another post. Some are from before I started this blog. Some are carefully framed/focused, and others are silly snapshots. Without further ado...

Part-Time Model

For those of you who have never heard of Flight of the Conchords, I thought I'd introduce you. This video cracks me up. "...but you prob'ly still have to keep your normal job." Enjoy.

The Enigmatic INTP Psyche, Part 3

A further result of the Ti function is the concept, lived out by many an INTP, that knowledge is everything. They tend to believe that information is the key to life. All mistakes can be avoided by having the right information at the right time. This has at least a certain logic about it. Where they differ from other temperaments (especially from SP types) is that a large gap may exist between knowing and doing. To know is everything, to do is a lower order necessity, if it is necessary at all. This breeds the potential for lazy aloofness.

I resent that. ...ugh, it's true, isn't it? Crap. Something else to overcome.


The INTP is often satisfied simply by knowing that he could do something if he wished.

Ha, yeah, that's actually mostly true, though usually at the very least, a token attempt is required to test the waters.


This also leads to the danger of overestimating one's capabilities and losing a grip on reality.

Shoot. You mean I wouldn't be the best go-go dancer in the world?


Finally, the dominant Ti function means that the INTP takes his interests and beliefs very seriously.

Nah-ah. OK, yeah, usually. This is a little uncomfortable to read, I'm not gonna lie.


Honesty and directness when explaining these interests are usually displayed. INTPs detest facades and particularly dislike people who exhibit them.

Amen, preach on.


Equally, those kind of people also dislike INTPs and avoid them at all cost, for they know that the INTP will see right through them.

You know who you are.


The INTP's serious nature also makes them almost immune to mockery and being made fun of, at least when face to face with their mocker.

At least... And it's not that the mockery goes unnoticed or unresponded. I generally discard people from my life if mockery is a staple of their existence.


If someone attempts to make a sarcastic, mocking comment about an interest of an INTP, the latter will defend himself with a pure, almost naive seriousness, explaining his position with a severe exactness, wielding his words like swords.

Something I've been trying to rein in, actually, though I hadn't thought of it this way. Interesting. And yes, I think it makes me look a bit silly when I defend certain things so vigorously in response to a snide remark or playful jab. Yet it takes energy not to respond...


This almost always disarms the mocker who does not expect such a penetrating defence.

Tee-hee. Deer in the headlights. Sometimes they had it coming to them, but other poor blokes didn't mean any harm. I've occasionally felt bad for this and worked on doing it less.


The INTPs defense usually also contains a subtle but biting attack thrown back in the mocker's face,...

Sometimes subtle enough to be able to deny it, even to myself, if confronted (by someone else or by myself). Yeah...dang...


...chiefly because the INTP cannot entirely hide the fact that he believes his opponent to be stupid.

True! Who are you? Perry Mason?


Such confrontations might develop rapidly into physical ones, a danger that the INTP should be aware of. This ability to wield words with cutting precision is one of the INTP's greatest assests, but equally one of his most deadly traits. He is capable of using words creatively to penetrate deep into the understanding of a subject, but if not checked and wielded carelessly, his words can become highly destructive, especially where the Feeling function is heavily suppressed.

Words can, indeed, hurt. I've had to be careful throughout my life not to "wield" words like swords. Sometimes, I've thought it would have been better for a relationship had I punched someone in the nose rather than slice them asunder with carefully chosen words. That, however, is something I hope I've brought fairly well under control for quite a while.


Well, I think that's enough humility for one day. More to come...