Typos

I went to a personality "typing" gathering last night, and the guy who did the typing is determined that I am not, in fact, an INTP, but an ISFJ who thinks he's an INTP, which he says is remarkably not uncommon, particularly among left-handed ISFJs, if I understood correctly.

Granted, I have been quite skeptical of his theories since I met him. He seemed kind of "out there" and all too confident in his theories to be truly open, which always brings someone's theoretical framework into question for me, but I decided to hear what he had to say about his theories. It was interesting, and while the reasoning behind his particular model of interconnectedness between the various traits did escape me somewhat, I was considering the possibility that he really was on to something, reserving that judgement, of course, until I could see the full rationale behind his model. Nonetheless, I already knew he believed me to be other than an INTP, and I shrugged and thought, "If I don't fit his mold, I don't fit his mold."

Yet despite my shrugging, to be told that I now could not be counted as an "N", a group which made so much sense to me when I finally discovered it in Please Understand Me II, and which made sense of so much of my childhood and my relationships...to be told I was, in short, an imposter, was uncomfortable even if I disagreed with his reasoning. It kind of hurt to wonder if other Ns had always regarded me as this sort of "passable" figure, not quite right but close enough to keep around. I've always been a loner in most ways, so sometimes I'm surprised when lack of belonging (something a typical "N" doesn't care much about, nor do I in most cases) hurts for such a silly reason as being told I don't belong to the iNtuitors as I thought I did by someone whose personal opinion doesn't matter to me but which represents the possibility that others think the same way.

Listening to him felt a little like listening to the psychic in a booth who tells you danger is just around the corner and to be careful to avoid it. They're so sure of themselves that you feel a slight foreboding, even though you're not convinced they're right. He seems, at least, to have more of a basis for his assertions than a sideshow performer peering into a glass ball...

I set that aside the best I could and tried to figure out why else I might feel shaken. Was it because he was right, and I was getting a much-needed slap in the face by some guy I didn't trust? Was it because something about what he said struck a nerve, such as tapping into my insecurity about being unoriginal? My mind was reeling, considering his points and formulating the counterarguments, but I kept them to myself and told myself that if I really was open-minded, I'd consider his propositions more carefully before attempting to pick them apart with my relatively limited knowledge around personality typing and complete lack of knowledge around phenotypology.

If he's right, I have some reassessment to do. I have to try to ignore the fact that all descriptions of INTPs and INTJs fit me remarkably well and that the ISFJ description he gave, along with the Keirsey version, only fit in some aspects. I have to acknowledge that he may be correct in asserting that I only THINK they fit me well because I see myself inaccurately and have maintained a very effective INTP facade long enough that I've fooled people around me into thinking I am one as well, when in fact, I am an ISFJ with certain "N"-ish traits due to the brain phenomena which are indicated by my lefthandedness (something which apparently stems from some seemingly deterministic ideas about genetic expression, phenotypology, what-have-you). It's all very interconnected in his theory and potentially convoluted, but it's possible he's right, and some of my own sense of conflict could be explained the way he explained it. I have to concede that. I think it could be explained other ways, too, but this was, I admitted, a viable option. He told me he would bet his life on me being an ISFJ and that he has run into others who are ISFJs who have been convinced they are Ns, and they are always stubbornly opposed to his insistence that they are Ss.

I fought the urge to incessantly argue his points for various reasons, including: a) I don't really care about proving what "type" I am to anyone, b) I am fairly certain he believes me to be less intelligent than I am, again something I also don't care about proving to him, c) I came to hear his views, not to combat them, especially in confirmation of his prior experience, d) if I am going to be as "open" as I would like to think I am, I have to acknowledge the possibility that he's right even if I don't believe he is, e) I didn't want to go into the ultra-debate mode I've worked so hard to rein in over the years, f) ...OK, there are others, but I'll leave it at that.

However, he all-too-quickly had made an assessment of my personality soon after meeting me (this is his specialty, so that's what he does with people--phenotyping), and he seems to have based most of his opinion on my interactions with him and on my style of clothing, my "metrosexual" look, which he insists an INTP would NOT exhibit because true INTPs never have in his experience, and the way my eyes focus...or don't.

What I would have gone into, had I cared enough to draw out the debate, and had I been convinced a debate would go anywhere (he said he would slit his wrists if he were wrong...how are you supposed to expect to get anywhere with someone like that?), was how much, in my life, I've deliberately worked to balance my own way of viewing things or doing things. And over the years since adolescence, I've actually felt a shift towards "S"ness, but it's never felt natural, and the "N" descriptions I read about feel like "home". Almost everything he brought up as a sign of my lack of true "N"ness was something I had tempered over the years through a lot of effort. I can't prove to him what has been done through effort and what has been my natural tendency. So... *shrug*

If he's wrong, I wonder if he has reorganized the interplay between the Jung-based letters so much that his methods of typing have unfortunately sacrificed some important nuances of, for example, what it means to be an introverted "NT" with extroverted Sensing. Or perhaps some of the factors he has brought in (left- or righthandedness, inhibited vs. uninhibited, etc) tend to confound, not clarify, the model? Meh, but he could be right. The J I'll concede. I show both P and J tendencies and always have in different ways. When I was very little, I suspect I was a hardcore J. In early adolescence, I swung to a fairly extreme P. I've come back to more of a compromise, I think. Though maybe it's really just a stress-inducing conflict. Who knows?

The T and the F, also potentially disputable, though I think I'm more of a T. In fact, I went back and read Keirsey's description of the ISFJ and the ISTJ, and the ISTJ seemed to describe me a little more than the ISFJ. Of course, neither fit as well, in my opinion, as the INTP and INTJ. Even the NF variants describe me at least as much as the ISFJ. Of course, again, his theory conveniently explains this with the simple assertion: I do not know myself like I think I do.


...so now it's the next morning, and I just retook the Keirsey adaptation thinking, "OK, let's be open to getting a lot of 'a' answers to explore this. And let's think of what has been most consistent during my adult life and leave childhood out of it." Where I was torn between 'a' and 'b', I wrote both, and for scoring, I always chose a. The result? ISTJ. Interesting.

'I' won 10 to 0.

'S' won 11 to 9. Had I scored 'b' instead of 'a' on each ambiguous answer, 'N' would have won 14 to 6.

'T' won 13 to 7. Had I scored 'b' instead of 'a', 'T' would still have won 11 to 9.

'J' won 13 to 7. Had I scored 'b', 'P' would have won 11 to 9.

OK, so Mr. "You're an ISFJ" may just point to errors in my own self-perception to explain the ambiguity, or maybe even flaws in the assessment method of Keirsey.

But here's the deal, this was with me telling myself that if in doubt, choose 'a'. But the fact of the matter is that it often felt forced to lean towards the 'a' answer.

Nevertheless, if I am, according to his model, an "S", it could "help" me see my own strengths and weaknesses more accurately if he's right. It could help me understand interpersonal relationships and begin to recognize my own motivations and innate abilities more accurately, which can be very useful, especially when trying to determine a career path and feeling befuddled. So I won't discount it entirely.

But I'll just say it: I think he's wrong. Confusion on his part would be understandable, considering the complexity of his model, his lack of experience with me, my non-extreme "N"ness, and the phenotypology to which he's so loyal. But I'm not the expert. And unlike my "E" friend, about whom this fellow changed his mind (something he admitted he rarely does), I am not as interested in convincing this guy he has misread me or I should be allowed to stay in the club. Maybe I am a sort of hybrid. I've always thought it would be weird or awkward to be on the border between an "S" and an "N". Maybe I'm experiencing it. If I eventually decide that I think he's right, I'll keep y'all posted. I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat...