OK, so I've known for a long time that I was close on the T/F and the J/P and exhibited aspects of both. I hadn't realized that I do, in fact, acknowledge that my "CPU" comes across as rather "S"-like--as my INTP friend put it last night--at the very least in expression. I have to admit it's possible I'm running an INTP O.S. over an ISFJ architecture.
My inner workings do "feel" abstract, and even intuitive, even if my expression of them comes out as concrete, yet my imagination has always seemed bound by my experiences in the concrete world, not unlimited and endless as the "boundaries of Fantasia" (loved that movie), as is supposedly typical of "true Ns". And if certain assertions about Ns are also always true, then I may not be as "N" as I thought.
One thing is sure: I do think abstractly. And I also think concretely. Great. You know what happens then? Endless loops in my brain as data is kicked from side to side by different processes. Shoot. So the things I'm passionate about understanding SO occupy my mind as to start out as obsessive monsters running amok, whirlwinds of thought-dust contracting into tight balls that are found to be slightly irregular or incomplete, then exploding out again to repeat the process. They are revision after revision of theses sent between editors who keep making corrections and passing them back over and over. This is when I get mild headaches. The revision process only stops when a conclusive final draft is reached, or pauses when an experiment becomes necessary, or is tossed in the trash bin if I stop caring for some reason. Whatever the end, it's exhausting.
I also never felt very F-motivated. I felt very T-determined. Keep in mind, "felt" is not meant in the emotional sense, here, so don't pull that on me--it's my way of expressing ideas in language I think the most people will grasp. I may be wrong. Anyway, I have always had plenty of "F" in me and known it was there, and it sometimes does dominate. But though the F does kick in, the T steps in and tempers it and wins out most of the time. I'm not sure if one was learned and the other innate, or both innate and balancing, or what.
OK, so I see that a right-brained, or abstract-thinking, SF would experience certain things differently from a left-brained SF. And I see that as a young child, looking back, I seemed more like an ISFJ than an INTP. I did. Very early. But as far back as memory goes, I remember from a rather INTP or INTJ perspective, with certain ISFJ sprinklings, particularly earlier on. Did I, in my abstract thought, convince myself that certain motivations weren't worthy and readjust my self-interpretation accordingly (e.g. shifting social recognition motivation to personal achievement motivation)? Did I, to preserve my very sensitive feelings, become determined to shield them with a thought-based control mechanism, which naturally took the form of abstract-bent, or intuitive-like thought, due to being right-brained? Or is there no such thing as one deterministic core processing method, a hardwired way of thinking or processing information and feelings? Is it possible to actually move along the spectrum rather freely, the only things holding us back from changing being our values, desires, and attachments? Is it possible an odd mix of traits just makes me a typological mutt with or without a "core"? Or is the "S"ness just a remnant from a natural progression of psychological and physiological development, whether or not it's an actual "core"?
Myers, Briggs, and Keirsey, you seem to have somehow overlooked certain situations. I am now very possibly slightly outside of your realm of description. (Though as I've said, if you want to get inside my head, read about INTPs and INTJs, even if I stuck to those constructs as a way to mask any SF-ness...*shrug*) While I don't buy into certain theories I've heard regarding this, I do see how they make sense according to given models. I'm waiting for a more convincing model. :-) But for now, I'm OK with just referring to myself as a bit of a hybrid. An anomaly of sorts. Yes, I can handle that quite nicely. Too bad it's apparently not all that uncommon...d'oh!
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