Little INTJ

Let's look at a boy we will assume, for the time being, is an INTJ. A little "Rational" boy being raised by a Guardian-Artisan pairing with a Guardian brother 8 years his senior. Dad ESTJ's parenting style clashed quite violently with Little INTJ's demands for rationale and autonomy, which created plenty of miscommunication or conflict. Mom ESFP would often step in to mediate, tempering Dad ESTJ's demands for submission with explanations of Little INTJ's headstrong but not purposefully flippant behavior. And she'd explain to Little INTJ the importance of doing what's asked even if it doesn't make sense at the time, which lecture Little INTJ received many times before starting to reluctantly comply in action if not in spirit. Mom ESFP would occasionally indulge Little INTJ's demands for rationale by debating with him, and Dad ESTJ would step in, telling Mom ESFP that she would not win a debate with Little INTJ, and he needed to learn to take "no" for an answer. Story of Little INTJ's childhood.

Well, as time went on, other interesting dynamics developed. Little INTJ was what the other children called a "nerd". He was socially awkward and didn't dress well. He thought things were funny that other kids just thought were weird. He had a few friends, but for the most part, he was absorbed in books about science, magic tricks, math problems, and logic puzzles and pretending to be in lands of make-believe instead of roller skating and playing in the mud. Riding bikes was fun, mostly because he pretended it was an airplane or a spaceship, and the manhole covers were ocean ships or space stations, pebbles were whales in the ocean or asteroids...or sometimes counting the cracks was a way to make it more fun. To the kids who thought riding a bike was quite enough in and of itself, his need to turn everything into make-believe or a math problem seemed odd. He wanted to look at things under a microscope and play with his chemistry set more than play baseball. He was a nerd. Mom ESFP and Bro ESTJ stepped in and helped him dress more like the other kids and be less fastidious about his hair. A monster was unleashed, and Little INTJ became Little INTP.

Well, long story short, this experience taught Little INTP a few things. He learned that he could, in fact, break out of his very rigid mold to try new things and be less of an oddity, at least on first impressions. This was refreshing to the little weirdo. He enjoyed himself quite well alone, but having just a few close friends was nice, being somewhat of an only child with such an older brother who was rarely home.

It also taught him that you can conduct all sorts of social experiments by changing your habits and interactions. Fascinating! This was a whole new arena in which to test his skills and ability to tweak his interactions and relationships. A late bloomer, socially, college is where Young INTP began to finally feel somewhat adept at social interaction. Somewhat. Still awkward, but making it through much better as he learned to soften his blunt language, hold back his pointed attacks on faulty logic, and engage in physical activities most people seemed to enjoy but which were, for him, a test of his own resolve more than an excuse to be with people or interest in the thing itself. The realm of experimentation had extended beyond chemistry experiments and into the social realm.

Over time, trying various tests to see what the results would be, he adopted certain habits he never would have adopted otherwise, and he left others once they were tested if the thing itself was undesirable or too much trouble, even if the results had been positive. The knowledge of what worked was what was important, not the thing itself. And despite occasional feelings of internal discord or struggle to find balance, Young INTP/J had, by his mid-twenties, achieved a balance of personality that he found very workable.

Sometimes, he'll be getting dressed and not feel like dressing 'hot' but do it anyway to test what kind of reaction he'll get from certain people. Having someone think he is hot is not necessarily the goal--which is good, because it's happening with decreasing frequency with age--because he fully intends to do nothing about it. It's knowing whether he can get it to happen that matters. And if it doesn't work, it's a failed experiment, not a personal blow or rejection. It's a strange thing, his decision-making process. Putting colors together is not his strong suit, and sometimes, he'll test combos he's not sure about to see who might comment or if people act any differently. Then if the reaction is not positive, he'll try something different next time and see if that changes anything. This experiment has been going on for a few years now. He does question, once in a while, whether he's "dressing to impress", on which days he will often deliberately dress down and wear whatever the heck he feels like wearing, which is often not one of his best-looking outfits. But the drive to see if he can pass as a good dresser often wins out, too. And he does like to look nice, to present himself well. Probably partially because of the dichotomy he has experienced from not having dressed well most of his life and having learned to do more so with the help of aesthetically sensitive friends.

In any case, such a weirdly deliberate decision-making process works for him. It makes life more interesting. There's much more to his story, of course, but these have been a few points along the way. He still, to this day, tests his and other people's boundaries and limits, sometimes in almost imperceptibly subtle ways, experimenting with this or that, taking notes on the results...seeking internal authenticity and trying to effectively express what he really thinks and feels in a way other people of varying "types" will grasp it. That's still in the works.



Conflicts

Conflicts always existed for Young INTP/J. Raised by the staunch and persistent ESTJ and the mediating, imploring ESFP, he always felt a sense that this is how most of the world was, and in order to make it through to achieve any goals he might make and keep the doors wide open, options ample, he was going to have to learn to integrate this boring, real-world way of thinking with his own. And sometimes, when Little INTJ reappears, he feels more adept at doing so, more at ease working within the constructs of the concrete folks and the tedium of following established procedures, as long as he is able to suggest changes and improvements to his supervisors. Other times, when Young INTP holds sway, he feels rather detached from them and can continue to function only as long as he is able to be creative with SOMETHING in his life, whether photography, writing, helping develop a non-profit organization, or going on vacation to a new place with new experiences to test out.

Another conflict: among the more extreme Ns, now-Adult INTP/J often feels kinship and identification but also a sense of inadequacy. With so much energy spent, over the years, balancing his own quirks with more "normal" behaviors in his long-term social experiment, he feels like he has lost that edge he could have had. As his friends make up colorful poems and giggle about wordplay, he chuckles or appreciates the poem but always feels a tinge of disappointment that he doesn't come up with that stuff anymore. Maybe he never did even as much as he thought he did. Maybe he was a self-deceived ISFJ? But he's never felt like any descriptions of ISFJ's he's found so far.

A feeling thinker or a thinking feeler: Little INTJ was always a "sensitive" kid. He was sensitive to other children, and his feelings could be hurt rather easily. He cried fairly readily. But he also processed things cerebrally, and he always trusted his thoughts more than his emotions. He would tell pestering bullies things like, "Sticks and stones..." or "I'm rubber and you're glue..." and he never felt like he was just convincing himself of it. He actually believed it. His feelings were generally hurt only by those closest to him. After learning about personality types, he saw his childhood as characteristically more "Rational" (NT) but with clearly "Idealist" (NF) leanings. Maybe he really was an F as well. However, with the conflict between Dad ESTJ and Little Whatever, Little Whatever tended to identify more with Mom ESFP and felt safest with her, a clear F. Could it be some "F" traits were mimicked or adopted and Dad ESTJ's "T" traits eschewed since Little Whatever was near the border between them anyway?


Blast it, having to rewrite this little story is gonna be a pain in the tukus if Mr. "You're an ISFJ" is right and he can re-explain all of these things within his framework. Barf. Although, because my eyes don't point right, there will be no convincing him, so maybe I have to try to let it go. It's been an interesting challenge, though.