Existential Depression

A while back, I borrowed some lectures on Existentialism by Robert Solomon, whose style of rhetoric and frankly fair analysis of the philosophies surrounding existentialism and religious thought impressed and captivated me. I was glued to those lectures as I listened to them in my car during my daily commute. Yup, I'm a nerd. This should not be news to most people reading my blog.

Well, I had a curious moment today in which I decided to read a bit about existentialism, and I ran across a very interesting article entitled Existential depression in gifted individuals.

Now, I'm not going to be so presumptuous as to call myself "gifted", but I had to chuckle to myself as I thought, "Yup, been there. Done that. I'm that kid, at least to some degree." Granted, I'm not so sure I went through all of the questions outlined in this brief article while I was ten or twelve. I certainly did notice my peers seemed less interested in certain questions than I did. But I think matters of faith may have played a significant role in delaying the onset of some of the weightier existential questions I was sure to face head-on someday.

Those questions have, at times, hit me like a hammer to the head. Fun stuff. I can only imagine having those questions and conundrums as a young, hormonal, awkward, mood-swinging teenager who isn't even a fully-formed human being. Yikes. *grin* It's a good thing the author includes some pointers for people to help youngsters with such questions. But if most of those teenagers are anything like I was, nobody will really know they're even having those questions because they're pretty internal and, since most people don't seem to share an interest in such explorations, there seems to be little purpose in sharing them. It would take pretty perceptive parents.

I wonder if this would help explain my relatively recent focus on quality relationships as one of the few things in life that are obviously worth developing and holding onto? Repairing that sense of isolation and creating meaning by connecting with others in lasting ways? You know, just in case the less tangible or verifiable matters of faith prove to be less worthy of trust than they once promised to be...an existential insurance policy, if you will.

Have I lost most of you yet? Ha, maybe I should just wrap up and go eat something now. Back to the concrete things of life, like fast food.