While visiting with the doc today, I had described how my injuries occurred, and he commented on how intense group exercise classes can cause a lot of problems when the group sets the pace rather than each individual. I told him I had thought I was ready to push myself as much as I was, but it strained me, then I pushed myself another way during my own workout a few days later, and bam: mess. I said I'm usually pretty cautious and ease into things, but it had been a while since I'd worked those muscle groups. Turns out he says I'm doing all the right exercises to strengthen the right areas, but I needed not to push myself so much so fast. I said I had thought I'd been doing really well but just got a little ambitious and would have to be a bit more careful. Then he said it.
"Welcome to middle age. As you head into it..."
I kind of chuckled as I missed the rest of his sentence because my immediate, initial reaction was to think, "Ha ha, doc, yeah that's a funny jo--..." Immediately following this interrupted thought was the next one which interrupted it: "Oh @#$%. That's not a joke. It's just true. I'm heading into middle age."
Fortunately, I'm probably in as good a shape as I've ever been, and I feel good and am apparently still attractive enough to capture the attention of those to whom I'm attracted and energetic enough to play "war" with the kids and spry enough to keep up with twenty-somethings on hikes, so I've got that going for me. And we're in a time when thirty is the new twenty, so that's fun. But now I'm even beyond that age people need to comfort themselves about by saying it's the new twenty. Hmph.
As I related this exchange with my doc to some friends tonight, one of them choked and said, about himself, "Crap, when did that happen?" Ha ha, can't fight it, so I'll accept it. Bring it on, middle age. Let's have a ball.
19 November 2010
Thank Bob for nonprofit health clinics
For those of you who knew I was injured and lamenting the cost of getting it looked at and fearing the possibility of surgery if it turned out to be a hernia or something without hardly a penny to my name, I bring good news...for now, at least.
I found a non-profit health clinic with a sliding fee scale which was able to get me in the next day (today). It was actually a totally decent place. I'd go back. Although I'd have to pay more once I'm earning an income again, I imagine.
I qualified for the deepest discount, so they only required $20 up front for the visit and will bill me for the rest. And the prognosis: multiple muscle injuries compounding to create...a friggin' mess. I've literally fallen apart a bit. Heh, hopefully I'll also heal back together, though, says the doc. Good to hear I (hopefully) won't need surgery. I hear hernia surgery isn't cheap. *whew*
So about $35 later, I'm on anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxants and just trying to take care of myself to allow proper healing, hoping it's better soon. If it's not better in another week, then we'll have to reconsider, but send healing vibes to my groin, please! :-)
I found a non-profit health clinic with a sliding fee scale which was able to get me in the next day (today). It was actually a totally decent place. I'd go back. Although I'd have to pay more once I'm earning an income again, I imagine.
I qualified for the deepest discount, so they only required $20 up front for the visit and will bill me for the rest. And the prognosis: multiple muscle injuries compounding to create...a friggin' mess. I've literally fallen apart a bit. Heh, hopefully I'll also heal back together, though, says the doc. Good to hear I (hopefully) won't need surgery. I hear hernia surgery isn't cheap. *whew*
So about $35 later, I'm on anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxants and just trying to take care of myself to allow proper healing, hoping it's better soon. If it's not better in another week, then we'll have to reconsider, but send healing vibes to my groin, please! :-)
17 November 2010
A few thoughts about the news...
...in a close vote, it's being reported that ballots are being analyzed where voters didn't follow direction to determine what they intended. Here's an idea: if they didn't follow directions, or if we have to have analysts trying to figure out what they meant, their vote doesn't count. Period. Seems most rational to me.
I agree there is no such thing as a "holiday tree". And I don't see why government buildings need to be decorated for any religious holidays anyway. But I'm certainly not going to get bent out of shape over a Christmas tree outside a government building. Christmas is a cultural holiday here at least as much as a religious one, whatever you think it should really be about. I'd have a problem with a nativity. I don't want my government endorsing or conveying religion, even if it's one I believe in, because one day it will not be one I believe in, and I want my government principle-oriented, not dogma-oriented. But a tree is not a nativity.
Those who think it's some drastic, awful invasion of privacy to have to choose between going through a scanner at the airport or being hand-searched, the phrase repeatedly going through my head while listening to all the griping is: get the @#$% over it! Seriously, I just don't get it. There are reasons to dispute certain methods, but this extreme discomfort over being given options you don't like is...kind of weird to me. But maybe I'm just unusually unconcerned about whether some TSA employee sees a high-def outline of my body features (one of hundreds they'll see daily) or whether someone brushes my privates while searching for hidden weapons. I just...don't...get it...
I agree there is no such thing as a "holiday tree". And I don't see why government buildings need to be decorated for any religious holidays anyway. But I'm certainly not going to get bent out of shape over a Christmas tree outside a government building. Christmas is a cultural holiday here at least as much as a religious one, whatever you think it should really be about. I'd have a problem with a nativity. I don't want my government endorsing or conveying religion, even if it's one I believe in, because one day it will not be one I believe in, and I want my government principle-oriented, not dogma-oriented. But a tree is not a nativity.
Those who think it's some drastic, awful invasion of privacy to have to choose between going through a scanner at the airport or being hand-searched, the phrase repeatedly going through my head while listening to all the griping is: get the @#$% over it! Seriously, I just don't get it. There are reasons to dispute certain methods, but this extreme discomfort over being given options you don't like is...kind of weird to me. But maybe I'm just unusually unconcerned about whether some TSA employee sees a high-def outline of my body features (one of hundreds they'll see daily) or whether someone brushes my privates while searching for hidden weapons. I just...don't...get it...
13 November 2010
Jon Stewart on Rachel Maddow
At the gym the other night, I was flipping through channels on my elliptical machine, and I came across and interview of Jon Stewart by Rachel Maddow, and I was instantly hooked.
Background: I used to dislike Jon Stewart, primarily for the reasons I heard him describing--he's a satirist, which doesn't necessarily build or isn't necessarily constructive. When I tried watching his show many, many years ago, I was extremely disgusted by most forms of cynicism, and I firmly believed the world had enough sarcastic, snide voices. I also used to see his criticism of right-wing or conservative political dialog or figures, and because I felt defensive, I decided he was antagonistic and was criticizing for popularity, and I wouldn't give him the reward of watching. However, my alignment or ideology has expanded, shifted, and been tempered over time, and I am no longer more defensive of republicans than democrats or vice versa (even though I honestly thought I was fair-minded before and didn't realize how much more defensive I was of republicans than democrats, for example). I still believe the world needs much less cynicism, but I now see Jon Stewart as more satirical than cynical, and despite my continuing insistence that we need more constructive conversation, or maybe because of it, I've been intrigued by his recent "rally to restore sanity" and his articulated reasons for it.
In this interview, I found myself nodding constantly. It doesn't negate the need to preserve "our way of life", or defend ourselves from enemies outside of and within our borders, or move forward in keeping government in check, etc. But what he says about the almost cartoonish "left vs. right" mentality, the role of Fox and MSNBC as 24-hour news agencies, Stewart's role as a comedic commentator on the news, etc is mostly exactly how I think of things. I guess it makes sense why he's grown on me as I've started perceiving his light-hearted efforts to point out folly in our news media culture today and taken that to something he hoped would be constructive like the rally at the Capitol.
I so wish there were more interviews like this out there, between two people disagreeing without getting snippy and shouting, agreeing on common ground without constantly needing to bring in sensationalized dichotomies and re-drawing battle lines, and setting aside defensiveness to say, "OK, that's a fair point," or, "Maybe. That may very well be." In our culture, we're so ridiculously fond of what we seem to think is 'conviction' that anything other than pompous posturing and closed-eared insistence is perceived as 'wishy washy' or 'skirting the issues', if not downright unintelligent, when I think quite the opposite.
Short version: Jon Stewart has been gaining a lot of points with me lately, and this interview is an example of why. And I had to give Rachel Maddow some credit for seemingly admitting to some exaggeration to make a point.
What I watched on Maddow's show was cut thematically, which you can find on her web site, as well as the full, unedited interview, which I've embedded below and recommend watching if/when you have the time:
Background: I used to dislike Jon Stewart, primarily for the reasons I heard him describing--he's a satirist, which doesn't necessarily build or isn't necessarily constructive. When I tried watching his show many, many years ago, I was extremely disgusted by most forms of cynicism, and I firmly believed the world had enough sarcastic, snide voices. I also used to see his criticism of right-wing or conservative political dialog or figures, and because I felt defensive, I decided he was antagonistic and was criticizing for popularity, and I wouldn't give him the reward of watching. However, my alignment or ideology has expanded, shifted, and been tempered over time, and I am no longer more defensive of republicans than democrats or vice versa (even though I honestly thought I was fair-minded before and didn't realize how much more defensive I was of republicans than democrats, for example). I still believe the world needs much less cynicism, but I now see Jon Stewart as more satirical than cynical, and despite my continuing insistence that we need more constructive conversation, or maybe because of it, I've been intrigued by his recent "rally to restore sanity" and his articulated reasons for it.
In this interview, I found myself nodding constantly. It doesn't negate the need to preserve "our way of life", or defend ourselves from enemies outside of and within our borders, or move forward in keeping government in check, etc. But what he says about the almost cartoonish "left vs. right" mentality, the role of Fox and MSNBC as 24-hour news agencies, Stewart's role as a comedic commentator on the news, etc is mostly exactly how I think of things. I guess it makes sense why he's grown on me as I've started perceiving his light-hearted efforts to point out folly in our news media culture today and taken that to something he hoped would be constructive like the rally at the Capitol.
I so wish there were more interviews like this out there, between two people disagreeing without getting snippy and shouting, agreeing on common ground without constantly needing to bring in sensationalized dichotomies and re-drawing battle lines, and setting aside defensiveness to say, "OK, that's a fair point," or, "Maybe. That may very well be." In our culture, we're so ridiculously fond of what we seem to think is 'conviction' that anything other than pompous posturing and closed-eared insistence is perceived as 'wishy washy' or 'skirting the issues', if not downright unintelligent, when I think quite the opposite.
Short version: Jon Stewart has been gaining a lot of points with me lately, and this interview is an example of why. And I had to give Rachel Maddow some credit for seemingly admitting to some exaggeration to make a point.
What I watched on Maddow's show was cut thematically, which you can find on her web site, as well as the full, unedited interview, which I've embedded below and recommend watching if/when you have the time:
11 November 2010
Going peacefully to the unknown falls
I just had a dream which seems to have borrowed concepts from Meet Joe Black, Dead Like Me, What Dreams May Come, and the like. It went something like this:
--------------------------------
I had known it was coming, for some reason. My friend Clint was tasked with passing people from this life. With a touch, usually unexpected, they slipped away. With me, we knew it was coming. The perks of having your friend be a reaper, I guess. I knew the fast-approaching day and time.
As it approached, my preparations had nothing to do with having wild new experiences and eating amazing food. I just spent low-key time with people I wanted to spend time with. I wasn't to indicate I was 'leaving', so I pretty much carried on as normal. I called people I hadn't spoken with in a while. Most notably, I expressed affection more freely and let the little frictions go. I hugged without the fear of how someone might interpret it or what awkwardness might result down the road. I didn't care. My road was taking me elsewhere. I wanted them to know that I cared, and I needn't fear any pain I might feel by them abusing or disregarding that affection since I was leaving anyway.
The days leading up to the event are blurry. I remember, though, the day. I was in a classroom of some sort, college-style, and the class was dismissed with a bell. My first instinct was to gather my things, pack my backpack in a hurry, and head off to whatever important things I had to attend to. Except...this was the place. I more casually packed up, walked calmly with my bag to the corner of the room by large bay windows, and set my backpack down on a couch there, where Clint and another friend were waiting for me solemnly but not somber. I watch the dozens of people filter out, going on with their indefinite lives as I prepared to leave mine within the hour, and chatted with my friends as usual. I suddenly thought, "Oh, I can't just leave my backpack laying around, I need to make sure my stuff's not going to be a burden to anyone, I..." It dawned on me none of it mattered. Someone would take care of all of that. It was too late to concern myself with such details; now was a time to just...let it all go. I looked at my backpack, my life in a bag, and I realized I'd never be picking it up again. My mind went back to the images stored on the hard drive in the computer in that bag: a lifetime of snapshots I'd reviewed to refresh all of my memories, my life flashing before my eyes as it were. There was no such thing as tying up all loose ends. I accepted that.
I was admittedly a bit nervous. My heart was racing just a bit, but as I looked out the window, I saw an expansive view of a richly salmon-hued sunset over a large and gorgeous body of water dotted by sailboats and lined across the far side by majestically rugged mountains and the near side by lush evergreen forest surrounding creamy beaches gently lapped by clear, turquoise water. It was a conglomeration of all of the places which have 'taken me to my happy place', brought peace, and been home. It reassured me that this was to be a peaceful process. On the far right side from my vantage point, the large body of water spilled through an opening in the mountains into...I couldn't see what. Was it a waterfall? There was nothing visible beyond it. "That's one tall waterfall," I thought. I knew that's where I was going. It was unknown. It might be nowhere, nothing beyond that point but the ultimately peaceful stillness of not being. It might be a step into another life, another sphere with more learning and relationships. It might be whatever my consciousness made of it, a place of indescribable beauty and peace or fear and darkness depending on what my mind expected and how much I resisted leaving. I didn't resist. I would say I was resigned, but it felt more like humble acceptance and readiness to embark than mere resignation.
I said to my friends, "Sunset. I've kind of imagined it would feel like this, a slowly setting sun as I depart into the unknown. I guess it's set up that way to make it more peaceful for me, eh? You know, some consider nightfall to be a new beginning, a dissolution of the garish light of day...or maybe that was me, too. Ha, well it feels right."
As I gazed out the window, the din of departing students almost gone now, there were people I wished I could bring with me if I was going somewhere new. There were relationships I wished had not ended or become strained. There were people I had wanted to call but didn't because my only explanation would have been, "I'm dying," and I wasn't allowed to let them know that, nor did I want to concern them anyway or somehow obligate niceness or interest, and I certainly didn't want to irritate anyone by calling out of the blue or end on a bad note. Better to hold on to the good memories and let it be. We all go through it. We might've resolved things in time, but I didn't need to. I was moving on, and it was really, truly OK. I breathed out slowly as fond or poignant memories of happy moments and personal connections washed over me, and I was that much more ready.
I sat in the window across from the friend who would induce my passage. There was nothing left to say. Nothing seemed to matter enough to say it. Memories from my life kept cycling through my mind as I took in the view and felt my consciousness drifting almost imperceptibly outward over the water in the now-dim light of dusk towards the unknown falls and closed my eyes as if to sleep...
I woke up and decided to record this while it was fresh, kind of hoping my own eventual death is actually anywhere near so peaceful and that I feel anywhere near so ready if I do somehow know it's coming. While typing, I suddenly grabbed my sideburn...oh, good, all there. Earlier in my dream I'd had to cut my own hair and nicked myself in such a way that I was forced to chop off my sideburns way higher than I like, and it was totally goofy-looking. Right back to caring about the stuff that doesn't matter, eh? *wink*
--------------------------------
I had known it was coming, for some reason. My friend Clint was tasked with passing people from this life. With a touch, usually unexpected, they slipped away. With me, we knew it was coming. The perks of having your friend be a reaper, I guess. I knew the fast-approaching day and time.
As it approached, my preparations had nothing to do with having wild new experiences and eating amazing food. I just spent low-key time with people I wanted to spend time with. I wasn't to indicate I was 'leaving', so I pretty much carried on as normal. I called people I hadn't spoken with in a while. Most notably, I expressed affection more freely and let the little frictions go. I hugged without the fear of how someone might interpret it or what awkwardness might result down the road. I didn't care. My road was taking me elsewhere. I wanted them to know that I cared, and I needn't fear any pain I might feel by them abusing or disregarding that affection since I was leaving anyway.
The days leading up to the event are blurry. I remember, though, the day. I was in a classroom of some sort, college-style, and the class was dismissed with a bell. My first instinct was to gather my things, pack my backpack in a hurry, and head off to whatever important things I had to attend to. Except...this was the place. I more casually packed up, walked calmly with my bag to the corner of the room by large bay windows, and set my backpack down on a couch there, where Clint and another friend were waiting for me solemnly but not somber. I watch the dozens of people filter out, going on with their indefinite lives as I prepared to leave mine within the hour, and chatted with my friends as usual. I suddenly thought, "Oh, I can't just leave my backpack laying around, I need to make sure my stuff's not going to be a burden to anyone, I..." It dawned on me none of it mattered. Someone would take care of all of that. It was too late to concern myself with such details; now was a time to just...let it all go. I looked at my backpack, my life in a bag, and I realized I'd never be picking it up again. My mind went back to the images stored on the hard drive in the computer in that bag: a lifetime of snapshots I'd reviewed to refresh all of my memories, my life flashing before my eyes as it were. There was no such thing as tying up all loose ends. I accepted that.
I was admittedly a bit nervous. My heart was racing just a bit, but as I looked out the window, I saw an expansive view of a richly salmon-hued sunset over a large and gorgeous body of water dotted by sailboats and lined across the far side by majestically rugged mountains and the near side by lush evergreen forest surrounding creamy beaches gently lapped by clear, turquoise water. It was a conglomeration of all of the places which have 'taken me to my happy place', brought peace, and been home. It reassured me that this was to be a peaceful process. On the far right side from my vantage point, the large body of water spilled through an opening in the mountains into...I couldn't see what. Was it a waterfall? There was nothing visible beyond it. "That's one tall waterfall," I thought. I knew that's where I was going. It was unknown. It might be nowhere, nothing beyond that point but the ultimately peaceful stillness of not being. It might be a step into another life, another sphere with more learning and relationships. It might be whatever my consciousness made of it, a place of indescribable beauty and peace or fear and darkness depending on what my mind expected and how much I resisted leaving. I didn't resist. I would say I was resigned, but it felt more like humble acceptance and readiness to embark than mere resignation.
I said to my friends, "Sunset. I've kind of imagined it would feel like this, a slowly setting sun as I depart into the unknown. I guess it's set up that way to make it more peaceful for me, eh? You know, some consider nightfall to be a new beginning, a dissolution of the garish light of day...or maybe that was me, too. Ha, well it feels right."
As I gazed out the window, the din of departing students almost gone now, there were people I wished I could bring with me if I was going somewhere new. There were relationships I wished had not ended or become strained. There were people I had wanted to call but didn't because my only explanation would have been, "I'm dying," and I wasn't allowed to let them know that, nor did I want to concern them anyway or somehow obligate niceness or interest, and I certainly didn't want to irritate anyone by calling out of the blue or end on a bad note. Better to hold on to the good memories and let it be. We all go through it. We might've resolved things in time, but I didn't need to. I was moving on, and it was really, truly OK. I breathed out slowly as fond or poignant memories of happy moments and personal connections washed over me, and I was that much more ready.
I sat in the window across from the friend who would induce my passage. There was nothing left to say. Nothing seemed to matter enough to say it. Memories from my life kept cycling through my mind as I took in the view and felt my consciousness drifting almost imperceptibly outward over the water in the now-dim light of dusk towards the unknown falls and closed my eyes as if to sleep...
--------------------------------
I woke up and decided to record this while it was fresh, kind of hoping my own eventual death is actually anywhere near so peaceful and that I feel anywhere near so ready if I do somehow know it's coming. While typing, I suddenly grabbed my sideburn...oh, good, all there. Earlier in my dream I'd had to cut my own hair and nicked myself in such a way that I was forced to chop off my sideburns way higher than I like, and it was totally goofy-looking. Right back to caring about the stuff that doesn't matter, eh? *wink*
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