You Deserve Better

Another note to self because I think you've forgotten at times and have recently been reminded: you deserve someone willing to talk openly and deal sensitively and patiently with you the way you try to with others. You deserve someone who's willing to weather the hard times and the rainy days of the relationship because they understand there's value in it even when it's not easy and fun. You deserve someone who loves and appreciates you because of who you are, how you treat people, and what you bring to a relationship, not just because of appearances or what kind of fun they can have with your body and/or resources. You deserve someone whose life is generally in harmony with what they claim to believe, who doesn't hide behind compartmentalization but strives for integrity. You deserve someone who cares about you as much as or more than they do themselves. You deserve someone who is honest with you and ultimately willing to tell you anything you might ask. You deserve someone who sees in you, with all your flaws, a beautiful and attractive person. You deserve someone who wants a synergistic wholeness of intimacy but is happy to hold out on sexual intimacy because having you in their life matters more than getting themselves off.

It may seem arrogant or self-serving to say "you deserve", but you deserve everything you're willing and/or able to offer, nothing less. You may not be the easiest person for most people to have a relationship with, but you're not most people, and you deserve to be with someone who brings out the best in you. You're sincere, and you're concerned for others, and you're committed. No more selling yourself short or convincing yourself there's more to what they're feeling than there is to satisfy your fantasy. Read the signs. Talk about it. Don't waste time flirting with consolation prizes and fillers. They just distract you from not only finding the real thing but from deepening your more valuable friendships while piddling away your emotional investment on those who will squander it. You won't always know, immediately, but walk away without regret when the blinders come off, and you realize you were wrong about the relationship.

These traits are not just personality differences: they're essential components of the kind of relationship you want and need. Walk away if they're not there. Some might say, referring to romantic companionship, that any relationship is better than no relationship, but you know very well that quality, intimate friendships and family bonds without romantic companionship are much better than a distrustful or otherwise non-intimate convenience-based or sexually-motivated companionship. It's about time to put away childish things...