The Mystery of the Blue Honda

It showed up a few weeks ago. We thought maybe someone was visiting the neighbors from out of town and needed a place to park. We've since learned this car has nothing to do with the neighbors. A blue Honda Civic parked on the street in front of the house sits there in puzzling permanence, occasional moving, often gone during the day, but always returning to the same general area to sit overnight in a place that makes no sense to any of us. The most confusing things about it are: a) we can't figure out what the H it's convenient to because there's ample parking in other areas of the block in front of other houses, etc, and b) we've never seen the driver go in or out...until today!

I was casually pouring myself a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios with 1% milk when I saw a middle-aged guy with a glasses and pronounced widow's peak in his dark, combed-back hair carrying a multi-colored umbrella (we got a dusting of snow this morning) opening the car and getting in. My eyes widened, and I thought, "The elusive Honda-beast! He appears!" I quickly alerted my roommate, who came rushing out to witness the diurnal activities of the Honda-dweller. It was a little like a scene out of The 'Burbs. He got in the car, closed the door, then got back out and walked up the block a bit. I went back to my breakfast until I noticed him reappearing after less than a minute. Where had he gone? Why had he returned so quickly? Did he vanish into a wormhole and return instantaneously in Earth time? He opened his car again, and again sat and closed the door.

This time I watched from a secluded window. He got out again and walked across the street...to the elementary school. He walked up to the door, shook off his umbrella, stayed there for a moment, then walked up the block along the school. He disappeared around some kind of utility shed and was not visible for most of a minute until he reappeared, tightly hugging the school's wall as he walked, as if surely no observers could see him after such a stealthy move around the utility shed. I was intrigued as he rounded the corner of the school into the parking lot and playground area. I hopped in my car (looking into his when I walked by just to look for clues as to his situation: a kids' drawing hanging from the rear-view mirror, child booster seat in the back, tacky bobblehead on the dash...) and drove around the block to follow him. After weeks of wondering who this person was and why their car is annoyingly parked where we park, and once even boxed me in, the yutz, I wasn't going to pass up on clues.

As I rounded the corner, I saw him looking into a window or a door, then backing up and walking casually back around the building towards his car. I finished my loop around the block, but suspecting he'd be back within view of his car when he returned, I didn't want to park right there, so I went all gumshoe and drove to the back of the house and parked there instead, going in the back door. I am ninja.

I wondered: is he a father stalking his estranged children at school because his ex-wife won't allow him custody? A child-collector luring kids in by making it look like he has his own kids? A homeless guy living out of his car and sleeping in some nearby alley at night?

At this point, I decided that additional observations were probably not going to offer me more clues. I chuckled at the prospect of me crouching at the window with binoculars and wearing all black, spying all day to note every movement, departure and arrival times, patterns of behavior, etc, like you'd see in some sitcom. I decided to come back to this puzzle another time.

After a short while, I heard buses and noticed wee ones getting out of school. Must be kindergartners done with their half-day. Perhaps he was picking his kid up and hoped to leave early; maybe he wanted to sneak in some extra time rather than just delivering them straight to their mom's house like he usually does? Maybe he lives or is staying with someone just around the corner but parks there right in front of the school so he doesn't have to fight for a spot or have his kid(s) walk unnecessarily. Or maybe he's a nutball. I want to be a private detective so I can solve puzzles all day. Veronica Mars inspires me.

What's that you say? Just step out the front door and say 'hi' sometime and strike up a conversation? I might find out he's a nice guy and have all my questions answered without all the cloak and dagger? ...Pish tosh. What's the fun in that?