Thinking Too Much

"You think too much." When people used to say this, I dismissed them outright. I don't believe there is such a thing, and I think the world would benefit from more people giving more thought to their actions, beliefs, motives, and relationships. I figured that was just generally something people say when they feel stressed by what they've heard, don't like the outcome, can't follow the logic, or consider it a killjoy. And I couldn't comprehend how someone could honestly claim true happiness by avoiding truth or being too intellectually lazy to truly explore the unanswered, so I pish-toshed them.

Over time, though, I've tried to adopt a different response. Yes, there are some people who are simply adept at sweeping any unpleasant or difficult questions under the rug and skipping around like an oblivious fool, or those who just don't care about understanding others or identifying ways to improve relationships. But I think more often, what people mean is that sometimes, you just won't be able to discover the unanswered, especially not without more experience and information. So sometimes, when someone says, "Think less," I suppose they really mean something like, "Act more," or, "Don't stress over what you may not be able to know," (often because though I may not find the thinking stressful, they would) or maybe, "You'll never understand everything, so sometimes you'd benefit from letting go of the questions for a time and just acting, getting out and living life to take a risk and see how it turns out, and one day, it may just 'click'." And though I may often hesitate to put it into practice, that I agree with.

Reviving Frugality

I'm necessarily remembering financial rules/tests I used to employ fairly stringently but about which I've become far too lax:

• would I rather buy X now or pass up 10 X's for a Y later?
  
• can I obtain X or a suitable substitute more cheaply another way?
  
• should I pay that much for a restaurant meal I could make at home?
  
• only allowed 1 luxury item at the grocery store (that includes anything with little or no nutritional value or many items for which there are cheaper or more healthful alternatives, such as fresh salmon vs. frozen or artisan bread vs. whole grain)
  
• again with groceries, if it's not on sale, it's not an option, unless you specifically need it for a recipe or it's a needed, basic staple (milk, cereal, bread, etc)
  
• never purchase on impulse: if you didn't come looking for it, walk away, and if you remember it later, and it still seems like a good/wise purchase, consider buying it (anything over $50 requires sleeping on it--no same-day purchase if it wasn't planned)
  
• if you don't have cash from your last paycheck to back up the purchase, put the credit card away and move on
  
• make a budget and stick to it, putting excess in savings or using some for special occasions (a monthly occurrence, however, wouldn't be considered "special" but would be part of the budget)
  
• never shop without a specific goal, and don't deviate from the list
  
• you may love that sweater, but do you need another sweater? Remember that some people are fortunate to have warm clothing at all, let alone being concerned with what kind of "variety" they have. Just keep it in mind.
  
• it may be an amazing deal, but unless you wanted it (or would want it) at regular price and were waiting for a sale, pass it up. If it's a rare find at a really good price, fine, but if it's just another find at a pretty decent price, that's no reason to spend money you could be saving for something else.
  
• come up with ideas of things to do socially which don't require spending money, so you don't have to choose between spending money and staying in all day. If your friends are big spenders, either propose alternatives, join them after they've spent, or buy appetizers instead of meals, help them shop but don't buy for yourself, arrange to hang out with cheapskate friends on the nights the big spenders are at expensive concerts, etc.
  
• if you had no friends or family to stay with or help you out, could you survive on your own for several months out of a job? Wouldn't you rather be able to help others whenever you want?
  
• Which do you want more: this item/food/concert/clothing/service, or financial freedom?

I'm sure there are others I can add as I think of them, but this is a start to get me thinking along frugal lines again, which goodness knows I need to do. I probably won't re-adopt the more hard-and-fast rules so strictly, but I'll swing the pendulum firmly back in that direction. Aside from the financial necessity of it, there really is something to be said for not longing for "more", being happy with what you have and where you are, and for exercising restraint for longer-term security.

On a related note, while I don't think of myself as a very materialistic person, and I'm disgusted by the rampant consumerism I've observed in Utah, I do find myself spending far too casually and losing some perspective in the process. The exchange of goods and services and money, while a necessary tool in our society, is meaningless except as it relates to people, relationships, and personal growth. There's no need to feel guilty for having financial security, but it's a truly beautiful thing when you're able to be happy with what you have, recognize the difference between needs and luxuries, truly appreciate luxuries as luxuries and not as entitlements, and be confident life would not lose all savor and richness if you suddenly had no money to spend.

Relationships and personal growth, not gratification and "stuff", are what I believe bring real happiness. It's hard to keep sight of that, perhaps, when you're not sure where you'll live next month, or you're at risk of losing your home, car, or savings, or you're accustomed to high standards of professional craftsmanship or artistry in your furnishings, food, clothing, or cultural events. But I think it's easy to remember when you are with good friends and family and realize it doesn't really matter what you're doing together.

Admittedly, even though money doesn't buy happiness, financial security greatly reduces stress. There's a lot of stress in losing financial stability and dealing with knowing that your family is having to make severe adjustments because you didn't establish financial stability. And I can only imagine what it's like to wonder whether your kids will have to leave their beloved home, or change schools and move away from friends, or stop taking piano lessons, or not get dental work done because you lost a job or accumulated unnecessary debt. Yes, people with crooked, infected teeth who don't have the means to pursue every interest and move from place to place and live in shacks can be happy too, and it's important to remember that, but I'd like to avoid having to make my decisions (and my possible future family's) out of compulsion as the result of my lack of planning and foresight. If I/we move, or refuse medical treatment, or forgo opportunities for learning and developing talents, I want it to be because I/we think it best or consider it a positive change, not because I/we have no other choice.

I think it's time I started thinking beyond today again and work towards financial independence and security. OK...so...right...here I go...aw crap, this is gonna be easier said than done, isn't it?

Sun Valley and surrounding

Chocolate Lust

It's so, so very bad for me, but so, so very tasty. Although, I decided I'll be making it with higher-quality chocolate next time because it's very much worth it and would very much showcase the difference between OK and excellent chocolates. Ghirardelli chocolate chips are good, but they're not right for this kind of dessert. And I'd chill it longer to let it set more. The sauce looks a bit like the splatterings of a nosebleed in the picture. I think I have room to improve in the presentation. And I'm thinking there's probably a way to reduce the air pockets in it. Shortcomings conceded, behold my attempt at Fran Bigelow's "Pavé Josephine", a flourless dark chocolate torte with chocolate butter glaze, with homemade blackberry sauce thrown in. It's dark, it's rich, it's dense, it's smooth and silky, and it will be made again. Oh yes, yes it will.

Understood Schmunderstood

I think I'm on one. Do you ever get tired of trying to articulate every thought in such a way that it comes across clearly and with intended tone? I mean, I used to live that way, too tired or ill-equipped to bother "walking on eggshells" or "beating around the bush" all the time (which was code for "I don't care enough to learn about others' perspectives enough to know how to really communicate with them") and blaming everyone else for being too sensitive or political-correctness-obsessed if they didn't like what I had to say. I've since seen the folly of such a nonchalant, egocentric attitude, but I still have times when I just tire of wording things carefully, and I get a little loopy in my expression, careless in my wording, or decide to just entertain people's stereotypes by acting the part they seem to think I'm playing anyway.

In the same conversation, I might sincerely affirm liberal or conservative values or principles, then play a little parody or satire of the extreme and irrational elements of each, and in the process, some people, especially those who don't associate often with political independents or moderates, often become quite confused about which is sincere and which is parody, and in those moments, I'm experiencing a sort of abandon that leaves me not caring to clarify which is which because it would just require too much energy. Besides, it's always somewhat fun, even satisfying, when a year later, you're having a conversation, and someone is surprised to find out you've done a 180 in your perspective when, in fact, they are simply remembering one of your parodies and had been thinking all along it was real.

In another form of this breakdown of verbal filters, I sometimes just get blunt with people. I get tired of trying to put things carefully or delicately, and I instead say it in a way I simply don't think should be offensive but which is decidedly too matter-of-fact or direct for many people, particularly those with sensitivities about the topic. And...I just don't care. I don't have the energy to care. It's not that I want them to be hurt or offended. It's not that I don't care about their feelings...not usually, anyway. It's that I don't have the energy to be all "guilty" about it. So I shrug and express sympathy that they were hurt and tell them to take it or leave it, and I move on. It's a bit dismissive, I think, and communicates a disregard for one's relationship if one can't be bothered to make amends or show sensitivity, so I try to avoid being overly cavalier, but...sometimes I just don't have the energy.

Fortunately, I don't have these phases all that often, or I'd probably be confusing the heck out of people right and left...though maybe that's part of it. I feel like I'm confusing them anyway, so why bother trying to achieve understanding? But no, I still want to strive for it to some degree. Some people may not care, and let them not, but with those who do, I'll find connection and broadened perspective, which I have found to be rewarding beyond anything ignorance could have offered.

But for now, buzz off. I'm tired of typing.