Understood Schmunderstood

I think I'm on one. Do you ever get tired of trying to articulate every thought in such a way that it comes across clearly and with intended tone? I mean, I used to live that way, too tired or ill-equipped to bother "walking on eggshells" or "beating around the bush" all the time (which was code for "I don't care enough to learn about others' perspectives enough to know how to really communicate with them") and blaming everyone else for being too sensitive or political-correctness-obsessed if they didn't like what I had to say. I've since seen the folly of such a nonchalant, egocentric attitude, but I still have times when I just tire of wording things carefully, and I get a little loopy in my expression, careless in my wording, or decide to just entertain people's stereotypes by acting the part they seem to think I'm playing anyway.

In the same conversation, I might sincerely affirm liberal or conservative values or principles, then play a little parody or satire of the extreme and irrational elements of each, and in the process, some people, especially those who don't associate often with political independents or moderates, often become quite confused about which is sincere and which is parody, and in those moments, I'm experiencing a sort of abandon that leaves me not caring to clarify which is which because it would just require too much energy. Besides, it's always somewhat fun, even satisfying, when a year later, you're having a conversation, and someone is surprised to find out you've done a 180 in your perspective when, in fact, they are simply remembering one of your parodies and had been thinking all along it was real.

In another form of this breakdown of verbal filters, I sometimes just get blunt with people. I get tired of trying to put things carefully or delicately, and I instead say it in a way I simply don't think should be offensive but which is decidedly too matter-of-fact or direct for many people, particularly those with sensitivities about the topic. And...I just don't care. I don't have the energy to care. It's not that I want them to be hurt or offended. It's not that I don't care about their feelings...not usually, anyway. It's that I don't have the energy to be all "guilty" about it. So I shrug and express sympathy that they were hurt and tell them to take it or leave it, and I move on. It's a bit dismissive, I think, and communicates a disregard for one's relationship if one can't be bothered to make amends or show sensitivity, so I try to avoid being overly cavalier, but...sometimes I just don't have the energy.

Fortunately, I don't have these phases all that often, or I'd probably be confusing the heck out of people right and left...though maybe that's part of it. I feel like I'm confusing them anyway, so why bother trying to achieve understanding? But no, I still want to strive for it to some degree. Some people may not care, and let them not, but with those who do, I'll find connection and broadened perspective, which I have found to be rewarding beyond anything ignorance could have offered.

But for now, buzz off. I'm tired of typing.