Wow, I just had an experience I don't think I've ever had before. I was dreaming about playing something like Bananagrams but where we're both working on the same board, like Scrabble, and some tiles had pictures...anyway, that's irrelevant. I was playing this game, and I went to make a change to a word, which my opponent (I don't know if it was anyone in particular but was male) said was a violation of the rules and declared himself the winner. I was so P.O.'d at having had the game ended so abruptly and without discussion or prior explanation of the rule I'd broken that I yelled and violently shoved all of the pieces off of the table at him.
As soon as this happened, I remember thinking, "I wouldn't do that. That's not like me. Even if I did somehow do that, I'd bend down and help pick up pieces while talking things through and explaining my frustration, and I'm not doing that." But the dream sort of froze there as my opponent calmly started setting up a new game, and I remember wanting to talk it through but just sitting there as he did so. That's when I realized this definitely was not reality. Then the dream cut to seemingly random household images. These images weren't from my household or any I remember, mind you, but telephones I don't remember seeing, nightstands which seemed vintage but unfamiliar, a recurring fence-like structure I couldn't make out.
As these images faded in and out and played onto my mind's eye, I thought, "I don't know these images. These are rooms I haven't been in before. This is like watching a filmstrip or projected movie. Some of these items are kinda cool, though. If I can remember them, I could design them." I faintly heard something like the steady, rapid ticking of a movie projector as the images shifted to scenes of a garden, a hedge wall with a beautiful gate, mountains in light fog, a beach-like scene with large rocks jutting up and the foggy mountains as a backdrop...
As these new images came, I thought, "This is so cool. It's like I have my own internal movie screen I'm watching, but I'm pretty sure I'm awake...at least mostly. If I open my eyes, I'll just see my dark room, so I don't want to open them. I want to see how long this can last. My mind must be creating these images, but it's almost like they're being projected by someone else. What if this is what 'visions' are like? What if I someday see these scenes in real life? Would it be 'prophecy' or 'prescience'? Or could I just one day see something similar and think I'm seeing these dream images in real life because what I see looks close enough to these that I'll match reality with my by-then-vague memory of this dream?" Yes, I thought all of this while seeing these scenes play out in my mind. I continued, "I wonder if I can manipulate it. I want to see the Oregon Coast because that foggy beach-like scene reminds me of it." The rocky beach reappeared but started going fuzzy. I thought, "OK, maybe it's better to just let it be created and not try to make it something literal or specific. If I get too conscious about it, I might lose this sort of dream state, and I want to see what scenes are created if I just let it flow." So I stopped trying to see anything specific. I then saw someone in a white, short-sleeved shirt up close. It was a happy, sunny scene, the white linen waving in the breeze and happy gestures from his or her arms.
I thought, "OK, this is really cool, but I have to know...I have to find out how awake I am...I'm going to open my eyes and see what it's like and if I can get it back after opening them."
I slowly, deliberately opened my eyes. As I did, the sunny, white scene was gradually replaced by my clothes hanging in the dark closet. I closed my eyes to try to get the images back, but all I could muster was recreating the memories of the images. This time, it felt very much like me doing it, trying to remember, not like the projector in my mind. I laid there for a moment, reflecting on how strange that had been, like the transition from sleep to wakefulness hit a glitch, and I was awake inside my sleeping body but without the sleep paralysis I've heard of (something I'm pretty sure I've still never experienced) because I knew I could just...open my eyes if I wanted, and when I did want, they opened...
I really want to experience this again, but I wanted to write it down first while it's still fresh to record it as accurately as I can without the gap-filling tendency of memory.
As I thought about it, I wondered if this was anything like a phenomenon I've seen speculated about on film and in some writing, called "lucid dreams", most notably the following clip in the fascinating philosophical flick, Waking Life (which I definitely recommend to anyone who is into philosophy or who appreciates paradigm-challenging thoughts):
Admittedly, I've thought this concept of controlling your dreams was pretty "out there". I found it fascinating, but I thought, "Meh, who knows, but it's an interesting concept if it were true." I had no way to relate. I'm not presuming to say I now "get it" on any level, let alone having truly experienced a lucid dream. I'm not sure if you're supposed to be quite so...awake and able to just open your eyes whenever you're ready. But...I think I can now at least relate to the concept on some level.
Consequently, I went to YouTube to see if there were any clips from semi-credible sources regarding "lucid dreams" I could share, and I found the following clip from a Discover Channel show:
On a related note, I've become increasingly fascinated by the human brain and researching how it works, and how it relates to memory, cognition, dreaming, etc. I don't buy into "mystical" explanations or the more froofy metaphysical ideas, but I certainly believe there's so much about its workings we have yet to understand, with levels of consciousness and energy in intense complexity, and having this experience adds to my excitement around that possible area of study.
So...either I just experienced something really cool, or I'm starting to go a bit bonkers. And whatever "lucid dreaming" really is, I think I'm a fan. Don't be terribly surprised if you find me depriving myself of sleep and then trying to sleep during the day to duplicate this experience. :-)
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